Iranian Vacation

No, it's not the latest Chevy Chase movie. But if the Iranian tourism agency has their way, more Americans will be vacationing in Iran. Apparently, the nation is offering travel agencies monetary incentives to lure westerners to tour Iran. Your everyday Anglo is worth $10 a head, while Americans actually fetch $20 per head (hold the decapitation jokes, please).

So I'm left to wonder: Will Americans be lured by this offer? What would a tour of Iran encompass? Here's USANow's suggested itinerary:

The US Embassy: Spend a morning touring the spot where 66 Americans were kidnapped and held hostage by a group calling themselves the "Muslim Students Following the Line of the Imam". 52 of the hostages were held for 444 days, beginning on November 4th, 1979.

Tehran Sidewalk Tour: Take an afternoon stroll of the city, and play a nice game of "Find the scorched spot on the pavement where the American flag was burned". 5 points for every scorch spotted, and 10 points for fresh burns where flag remnants remain.

Attend a Special Unit of Martyr Seekers in the Revolutionary Guards Parade!!: This special unit consists of 40,000 trained suicide bombers who are "ready for action" to strike British and American targets if Iran's nuclear infrastructure is attacked.

Spend a day touring Tehran's Palestine Contemporary Art Museum: See cartoons featuring Ariel Sharon dressed as a Nazi, sketches of a Jewish man drinking 'Palestinan blood', and more than 200 other cartoons which mock the Holocaust and support Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's contention that the Holocaust really didn't happen.

By this time, I'm sure you and your family will be worn out by all the thrills that Iran has to offer. And you'll be thankful for that $20 incentive which helped you avoid boring destinations like Rome, southern France, and London.

Have fun, and don't forget your hijab. After all, you wouldn't want to miss out on all the fun Iran has to offer because you (or your wife) gets kidnapped for exposing her hair.